and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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