Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
