Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
