she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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