I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
