i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
