theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
