I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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