Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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