Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
