i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
