There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
