So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Can't talk, ducks in the car
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
