There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
