Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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