You smell like stripper and shame
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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