P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
