ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
