Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
