I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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