Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize