She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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