We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
