you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
