i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
