Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize