I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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