can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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