I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
