You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
