Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
