3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize