Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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