Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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