2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
