If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
