So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
