somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
well you can't waste a boner
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
