Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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