i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
