those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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