When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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