is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
