I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
