I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
