I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
