that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
