I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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