is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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