No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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