you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's shark week go big or go home
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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