I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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