He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
