Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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