So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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