Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
