A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
