Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
