just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
