I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
