"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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