you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
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