did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
what day is it and did you see me today?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I want to be your penis for a week.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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