He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
