between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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