Tell her she can't have a vagina
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
