Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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