So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Nicole vs. Life
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
