I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
