Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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