if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
