and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
