You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
