Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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