we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
