he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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