Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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