i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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