it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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