i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
